nonsense and Reflections time running out and now we have entered into the heart of this strange 2009. A year that began in the worst way in terms of global economic one year for those who already had nothing, no different from previous ones, a year that I can give a glimmer of joy, because this year in September, I end up paying one of my mortgages.
Every day I get in touch with people more or less friends with whom I exchange ideas, thoughts and opinions, from which people often reveal a great joy and satisfaction with life, joy almost always transmitted by the family, especially by children.
I (and luckily my girlfriend thinks the same way), I decided not to have children.
Many have told me that, on hearing my reasons, is merely an act of selfishness.
I can not blame them all the way, because certainly the one hand there is selfish in my choice, but it is just that. As a young boy, when one begins to think and imagine their life "grew up", I have always believed that I could do something important, I would become "somebody" and have a son I consider it an impediment to my end.
I have always had high regard for myself, supported by praise and expressions of approval for what I did, I would go quite well in school, getting maximum results with minimum effort, and I was constantly made to think being intelligent ...
Also I was never one of those "losers", but was one of those who organized, often for others, I liked being the center of relationships with people and people counting on me because I was there.
So, with ups and downs have spent my youth and my adolescence, then, when they were finishing high school, I had an inkling that things would change, that the free ride would end.
Unfortunately for me, I too enjoyed the pleasure of skiing fun, eh I made my first choice "to be weak in my life: I decided not to make the universities.
come from a family where my father worked only (right now, good for him, he's retired) and my mother is a housewife, I have a sister with psycho-motor problems, and things have not always been easy.
I have not ever miss anything, and often have "gutted" to please me, I knew to send me to university, and if I wanted they would do it willingly, we should have to go against great difficulties. In my heart I knew I had to do it, but at 19, I was too fool to take the right decision and so I decided to go to work to be able to continue, indeed increase, the fun "night" in those years I started to savor.
We did not do anything wrong, but I went to the club 2 or 3 times a week (often for free, however, because I was a PR), and if I did not go to the disco, I was still around local is fair to point out that almost a teetotaler and I went to local not for drinking, but for fun.
Not all went out every night, I will be, or with one or the other, and I was hardly home, (s) had the good fortune of living in the outskirts of Turin, the city that I read somewhere , is the European city with the largest number of nightclubs in relation to the population: a boon for myself!
So I put aside that continued to harbor ambitions in me to dedicate myself fully to the "fulfillment of my wishes," even though I was not, however, never fully satisfied because I wanted to do more.
I foolishly believed that I was still young, I'd get more time, however, I had great ability and I would still, somehow, managed to achieve my desires.
The years passed I continued to work, again as a laborer, spending everything they earn for the fun, I had my first "serious story, but things have not changed much.
often begin to be felt a strange sense of malaise and dissatisfaction linked to my inability to make a change in my life, the consequences were not as I had imagined and I was beginning to disillusion and to understand that maybe I had done something wrong. I tried to find it comforting that many were worse than me, but I could not help but look at those who were better, often with a bit of envy.
Then the story ended shortly after I was finally presented the opportunity to make that fateful turn my life around, it was time to do what I always imagined for myself, I could prove what really was worth, and so, I moved to Province of Trento, near Riva del Garda to open a pub company with my uncle, and soon after joined by his son.
After a short time looking for the right place, we found what looked like the right place, with much enthusiasm and desire to do, we set up a nice little place.
Unfortunately things did not go just as they had to go and eventually we found ourselves with a pile of debts to pay. So, as always happens in Italy, € 60,000 are paid every penny, and that you care about the millions of euro, hiding them in some remote desert island and does not compensate the thousands of people ruined ...
However, this trick will continue to affect my life until 2012, the year of liberation from the drain bank.
However all this has brought with it many consequences, not only economic but also on the moral.
were damaged relations with the people involved in this unfortunate adventure and most importantly, I lost almost all the esteem I had for myself.
It 'was the biggest defeat of my life, I realized that I'm not what I thought, I was forced to move in with family because of my partner with the rates that I have to pay, we could not do otherwise but to continue to stay together, the only consolation I have left, it was the mini-career in the company where I work, becoming the head of a repartino.
Sometimes I managed to see friends and acquaintances realized with businesses of various kinds and, if before I felt envious of those who succeeded in this type of activity, now I feel a great admiration, deep admiration for those who are successful in that in which I failed. I thought I better than many people and instead I did the end of the cleft. Now I live constantly with a
Magone that shakes my stomach every time I start to think seriously about my future, I feel all the burden on the failure of that activity on the obelisk which was the high esteem that I had of myself, which is now a toothpick. The tedium often envelops my days, I really struggled to find the right stimuli in everyday life, every now and luckily I can "regenerate" during the hours when I can go fishing, an activity that I practice now for twenty 'years and has always managed to reset the pessimism that every now and then I attacked.
When I think about my problems and my state mood but I can not help but think of all those people who have less than me, who do not even have money to eat, who live confined to a wheelchair, even managing to move only his head, and I am realize that they are just stupid!
Ennerik
