This is Christmas Eve. The arrival of the holidays in years for me was also the arrival of a time of tension and debate, perhaps the thing, not just life, marked my account for this type of holiday and now have become a time of year that frankly would jump you!
night when I was outside smoking a cigarette, I have some thoughts flashed to my head and made me want to write these lines.
I spent the evening quietly at home after dinner and I must say that boredom enveloped me. I made a game of cards with me and then I put the pc. After a bit busy 'I watched a movie: "S. Darko "very special and probably did not help my mental state, already quite puzzled.
After the movie I went out to smoke and a myriad of thoughts went through my head. It would be quite incredible for such long periods able to have his head completely clear ideas and thoughts (my mother would say that it is empty!), And at one point to be inundated by a flurry of reflections that bounce between neurons!
night when I smoked, I said, "that my fucking life!"
happy I'm not sure. But I'm not even really sad. I feel almost as lost in a limbo. I immediately thought that there are people who are much worse than me Who problems health, some for money, who's with x, and it makes me think that they're always complaining.
Then I also thought that some people are better than me, that has no problems (or have a few!), Which is between those who love happy.
I could not help but focus on the concept of happiness.
How can you be happy? Who and when is really happy? Good question ... I thought moments where I was and I happen to be happy, I tried to understand what gave me this beautiful emotion. I tried to think about when I think I see the people who are in the back who are happy and I wonder if they really are or just live with what they have.
Unfortunately we do not live in paradise, and happiness is a transitory moment, there is sadness, anger, boredom, euphoria and all the emotions that every day we live in all their nuances. Sure is that we all try to be happy more often and as long as possible! What really very complicated.
I focused on what I believe to be happy and I realized that it is a mess ...
Some people say that to be happy we must be able to make do with what you have, and find the joy of this life. A very nice song and I says: "xchè those who are content does not, illusion." I I have moments of intense happiness, terribly short-lived and short-term and I can not help but think that will be increasingly difficult to find happiness!
Maybe I'm too demanding and expect too much from my life, but I never managed to make do, since I was a kid I always wanted more than I had, I doubt that my constant "do not know myself content" is a major limitation to the achievement of just peace and happiness.
'm not confused, I have quite clear ideas about what I want and I fear it is just that my biggest problem. I fixed targets well ahead of me and see too far, sometimes even unreachable, and sometimes makes life a little 'frustrating.
The easiest way to find the happiness they so much desire, is to turn off your brain and risucire fully enjoy the moments of joy for me to live at times! It works up to a certain extent, because sooner or later we must start to think, is inevitable, and I think back to the awareness of how fleeting these moments.
At times like this, a rush, I'm thinking that my life so far I have not won much, but if I pause a moment to think is not at all like that! I have a family that loves me and has always been close. I have many friends, but friends with a capital "A" that I have never felt alone, even in difficult times. I fell in love many times, feel beautiful and even if things went wrong then all the time, however I could live a very intense experience. The work has almost always given me a lot of satisfaction. I do not have health problems, if not stupid.
What have I to complain? .... And yet I complain ...
I complain because I can not be as happy and as I would, because I have a continuous and exhausting feeling that something is missing. But I know what I'm missing ....
Ennerik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnludKFGhUo
(listen to the song of the links above ...)
